19(almost 20) year old female-possibly mentally ill.

Hi, I normally wouldn't go to the internet for advice...but I have no insurance at the moment. I'm at my wits end here. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy.

I get unreasonably angry. So angry I can't see straight. Multiple times a day. Some days are worse than others. I'm genuinely worried that something is wrong.

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. I don't take the pills(Zoloft) because they make me feel dead inside. I feel nothing when I'm on them. They also make my sex drive go way down, but that isn't all that important.
The feeling like I dead is though, so I don't take them.

My grandmother on my mom's side was severely bipolar and schizophrenic. That's why it worries me so. I don't hear voices, I'm not all that paranoid. I don't feel like everyone is out to get me. But I just go into these rages. Legitimate rages for no reason whatsoever. At my family, my friends, in my relationships. And the rages may last an hour, a day. But then I'm right back to "normal." I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Maybe I'm just an angry person. Maybe it's something more...but I just want to know. I've read a lot on Borderline Personality Disorder...and it fits me perfectly. But I can't very well diagnose myself.

In my relationships it goes like this...I'm so happy and I genuinely fall in love with them...but after a while I just get *so bored*. And eventually I couldn't care less about their feelings or their needs or desires. I withdraw into myself and push them away...until I find someone new and the whole process starts over again. These relationships may last a year...they may last a month. But it always ends the same.

I know it's a long shot...but I just need to know if I'm crazy or not. The more I think about it...the crazier I feel.

Any help is appreciated.

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Hec
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County mental health services charge on a sliding scale based on your income. You can call 211 in your area. Tell them your story and they should be able to give you some numbers to call.

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